These questions are something we need to reflect on and renumerate over daily. We need to check in with ourselves and scan over our thoughts, beliefs and mindsets. Life is hectic and it is very easy to become trapped in the “I’m a victim” mentality or “I deserve this or that” mentality. It is true that you deserve the best that life has to offer, but sometimes this comes at a cost to others, and that is not ok.
Boundaries and not allowing negativity into your life is very necessary for you to maintain your own mental and physical health. But just because you think someone is a dick (and they very may could be), does not mean you have the right to treat them or anyone else with contempt, rudeness, or make their life difficult in any way. When some is a dick to you, it may be they are in their own crisis and you have just wore the brunt of their load. But how you retaliate could be what makes or breaks them. You want to be the person that made a positive change for that person. You cant change people, if they don’t want to change. But you can change how you respond to them and this can in turn change how they respond and react to you. Remember you can’t fight fire with fire.
Use your words with power. Your words and the tone in which you deliver them can significantly impact someone’s life. You don’t have to be best friends with everyone. You don’t even have to like them. But you can be compassionate, kind and respectful towards them, even if they are acting in unloving ways. You showing kindness and humility when they are at their worse says a lot about your character. There is no reward in loving and being kind to other kind people, the reward is in loving the unlovable.
Getting to know the person and their story may help you like them that little more. We all have commonalities, perhaps you need to find yours. Their story may explain their behaviour, they may actually be hurt from life and just need some kindness to restore their faith and trust in people. You may have experienced your own traumas in life, but that does not give you the right to be a dick. Be the positive change not the dick.
Check in with yourself:
- Why do is this person bugging me? Is there something about me I see in them? Am I jealous? Do they remind me of someone who has hurt me in the past?
- How do I speak to that person? Are my words kind, but saturated in sarcasm or contempt? Is my body language showing disinterest or anger?
- Do I include everyone around me? or Do I exclude people and treat people differently?
- Has how I communicated with someone elicited their contempt towards me?
We are in a me, me, me and I, I, I society. We need to shift our eyes off ourselves and think about the greater community. We have lost our humanistic drive of caring for our tribe. We no longer lift each other and work in harmony and cohesion with others. We are all trying to prove our own individual worth, and this is coming at a cost to relationships and wellbeing of ourselves and others. When our eyes are fixated on ourselves we forget the world is not about us. Focus on self perpetuates depression and anxiety, it impacts relationships and isolates.
You can be the point of difference in your community and to the people around you.
Go out there and be kind, even if you don’t feel like it, you and your community will benefit.