Its hard to imagine someone would knowingly create a little demon child, but sometimes that is the fruits of our over loving parenting.
Whaaaatttt!!!!!…………. did I just suggest you can over love your child. No, that is not what I am suggesting. I am saying that your unconditional love for your child may be blinding you to negative traits your child shows through their behaviour.
For example, do you let little Jonny stay up and play Xbox because its not worth the fight to get it off him? Do you buy little Tina a new toy every time you go to the shops because she gets upset if you don’t? Do you make special meals for your child because they don’t like what the rest of the family is eating? If your child refuses to go to school in the morning do you let them stay home?
IF YOU SAID YES TO ANY OF THE ABOVE YOU ARE AN ENABLER OF YOUR CHILD’S BAD BEHAVIOUR :O
Yes, that’s right, you are rewarding bad behaviour. Therefore you are an enabler. You are effectively telling your child, if your behaviour is bad enough, I will give you what you want in order for you to stop. You have effectively been blackmailed by your own child and fell for it hook line and sinker. Now when you say no you have a mega explosion on your hands.
Rules and Boundaries
Rules and boundaries are healthy for a child’s development. Life is full of no’s and let downs. If your child does not get used to a no while young they wont cope as adults in the real world of no’s. They will have an employer tell them no, they will have their own children tell them no. They need to learn to respond to a no in a socially acceptable manner. Otherwise you will be raising an unteachable, unemployable jerk, who expects everything their way or the high way, as an adult. You don’t want to be the parent of a 50 year old that still lives at home, cant maintain a relationship, or hold down a job. When your kid is older, you are going to want to get a caravan, and piss right off into the abyss.
Its not too late to turn it around……. but it might be tough.
You may have spent years already giving into your blackmailer. You have been conditioned to give in. Brace yourself for a fight, your at war now for the turf that is freedom. Let the victory be yours. You will need to set healthy, age appropriate boundaries. Its ok to give your child a bed time, even in secondary school. At the end of the day they don’t have the brain development to make good decisions for the future. That is YOUR job, to make those judgement calls, NOT theirs.
Appropriate Rules include but aren’t limited to:
- Bed time routines
- Acceptable TV shows to watch and when to watch are YOUR call
- Eat the dinner provided to you (unless there is a true allergy)
- Consequences to poor behaviour means loss of privileges such as no Xbox use until a certain date, etc.
- Reduce time spent on devices
- Going to school is not negotiable (unless sick, then please keep home).
Trust me when I say it will get better. Initially it will be like world war 3 went off. You will be hated and the worst person in the world. But within a few weeks of being consistent with your rules and consequences you will have a loveable child or teen once more. Plus, you can one day get that caravan and piss off. Your kids can then have their own kids and deal with the drama.